Feeling Disconnected at Church? 3 Steps to Connect

Hey, thanks again for sending in questions related to our recent sermons. As you know, we’ve been going through the book of Romans and this last week we got to Romans 12, which transitions from a lot of doctrine into practice. Specifically, practice of how we relate to one another and relate to one another at church.

We identified really three practices for belonging, for us to experience belonging, which is to rely on others, find some way that we know that we need them. So we all have different gifts, we all need each other. Anybody that we have division with, if we see a way that we need them, we’ll immediately feel more connected.

We want to elevate and empathize with others. Lots of encouragement, promoting of others in our lives way more than any kind of criticism or correction. We need to outdo one another showing honor, Paul says. Connect with them emotionally, put ourselves emotionally where they are, weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice.

And finally, repay curses with blessings. When we are wronged, we don’t return wrong for wrong, but we invest again, elevate them again. And all of those practices lead toward unity. And us feeling like we belong with others. But the question comes in this week is kind of, what if I’m at zero?

I don’t even know any others for me to see how I need them. I’m not connected with others enough to elevate them or know where they are emotionally, to connect with them. Nobody’s cursing me because I’ve kind of closed myself off from the world. How do I even get started with this belonging thing? And so the first piece of advice is you’ve got to be around people. You’ve got to join a life group.

You have to be present in that group. If you’re somebody who comes to church and just comes in, sits down in a pew and leaves, doesn’t talk to anybody, somebody talks to you, you just say hi and keep moving. Well, of course you’re not going to be connected to anybody. You’ve got to be in a group.

There is absolutely a correlation between regular participation in a group and one of our life groups, and how much you feel like you’re a part of this that’s happening here. If you happen to be a viewer who is only online, I’m glad you find something encouraging with the content we put out, but if you’re nearby to our church, come to church, get involved in one of our life groups.

If you live far away from our church, get involved in a church there. Actually be plugged in in person. You’ve got to show up, physically present somewhere. Has to happen. We are created with flesh and bones and bodies. We can’t just expect to have kind of disembodied relationships through online interactions.

That’s not the way we’re wired. We’re wired to be in person because we are incarnate, right? We are in the flesh. So that’s step one. Step two, when you show up at that group, you’ve got to be transparent with who you are. You can’t just sit in the corner and say nothing. You’ve got to let people know what’s going on in your life so that they can then connect with you. There again, there’s a correlation between how much of ourselves we allow others to know and how much we are known. If we only allow 5% of ourselves to be known, then maybe people can love and accept that 5% of us and we feel like that 5%’s belonging, but the other 95% of us, they don’t know anything about. And so that part of us remains isolated. They can’t love and accept and embrace and elevate most of who we are because they don’t even know that that exists.

So we have to be vulnerable, share our hopes, dreams, failures, insecurities with others. We have to share that. We have to be transparent in order to feel like we belong. And then thirdly, in that group is find a role for yourself. Find a way for you to contribute to the group. Whether that’s encouraging, welcoming people, whether that’s inviting people to things, whether that’s taking some kind of teaching role or organizing activities, whatever, find a role for you to contribute to the group. And the more you contribute to the group, the more that you will feel part of the group. So those are three just preliminary steps if you’re currently at zero. Get involved in person, be transparent, and then find a way to contribute. And if you’re nearby here, come see what we’re doing here.

We hope that’s helpful and we’ll see you next time.