Why “God Has a Plan” is the Worst Thing to Say to Someone in Pain

Hey, thanks again for sending in questions related to our recent sermons. In our journey through Romans last week, we got to Romans 5, which addresses the sensitive subject of suffering, what God may be up to in the midst of our suffering. We said from Romans 5, clearly the reason for our suffering isn’t that God doesn’t love us.

Jesus went to the cross for us. He died for us while we were sinners, while we were enemies of God. He died to save, to reconcile us, um, through this torturous experience on the cross, bearing the full weight of God’s wrath that we deserve. And if he did all of that, which he did, of course, then he loves us.

That is settled, you know, full stop. He loves us. So that isn’t the reason for our suffering. Is isn’t that God is, you know, taking out vengeance or anger on us. We are highly esteemed in his eyes. That’s not the reason, um, if we’re in him. We are blessed and highly favored. So we pondered what could be the reasons for suffering. And it’s not a reason for suffering, but we said, um, a benefit of suffering is how it changes us.

It changes us to be more compassionate, loving, uh, slow to anger, gracious to others. Um, but the question comes in then, um, is that what we should say to people who are in suffering? When they’re going through a terrible time, should we say, well, hey, good news. God is doing something formative in you. Um, all you have to wait is for, all you have to do is wait for him to complete his work. Uh, no. That’s absolutely not what we should say to someone who is in suffering.

That’s not what we would say to someone what we would want someone to say to us if we’re in suffering. You think about, you know, the deepest pain you’ve ever experienced, you don’t want somebody coming on and be like, well, God will use this for your good somehow. That’s so insensitive. Um, and it’s not what Jesus did.

If you go read John 11, Lazarus has died. Um, Mary and Martha are weeping. Other people in the town are very upset. And Jesus didn’t come in and say, you know, don’t you know he’s going to resurrect? That’s not what he did. He came in and what did he do? He wept with them. He was so upset. He paused just to sit with them in their grief. Um, he didn’t correct their grief at all.

He didn’t try to, he didn’t, he didn’t say, you know, oh, God’s going to do something great through this. Eventually, God did, he did do something great for it. He rose Lazarus from the dead. But in the moment, he didn’t, he didn’t try to correct their feelings. He felt their feelings. Um, it’s just, it’s just empathy.

It’s the best thing that we can do for somebody when they are in suffering, is just to sit with them. Um, and weep and cry and acknowledge how painful it is. You know, and, and oddly, from the way that we’re wired, that’s actually what makes us feel better. Somebody comes with us, sits with us, cries with us, somehow that lifts our spirits.

It lifts our spirits much, much, much more so than somebody coming into our suffering and saying, well, don’t you know somehow this will be used for your good? That doesn’t make us feel better. But what does make us feel better is if somebody just comes and sits, acknowledges our feelings, shares them with us, um, holds our hand, cries, then our spirit is lifted.

And that is what Jesus did. That is what we are to do, uh, for others in their suffering. Hope that helps. We’ll see you next time.